Friday, March 9, 2012

Baby It’s Cold Outside

I can't believe this just happened:

He: Can't I just go to your place?
Me: No, I don't think it's a good idea. Let's meet at a restaurant.
He: Frankly speaking, I am tired of restaurants.
Me: You mean, you are tired of taking all those girls to expensive restaurants and yet seldom getting laid.
He: Oh, that's just one reason. I always eat too much at a restaurant.
Me: You know, you don't have to order too much, then you won't eat too much.
He: But I just want to talk to you.
Me: What makes you think we can't talk in the restaurant?
He: OK then. see you next time.
Me: Sure.

I can’t wait to hear his reasons of what’s wrong with museums, cafes, concerts, etc. People can be so transparent sometimes. Here are the top 10 excuses men have come up with to get invited into my place:

      1. I’ve missed my last train. You live near here. Can I stay with you tonight? – Well I happen to know they often miss their last trains, stay out and drink till dawn.
2    2. Can you play the cello for me? I love the sound of cello! – Sure, call me later and I will play for you over the phone.
3    3. I am very curious about your library. I have many books too. Can I see yours? – Ehhh, what do you want to see again?
4    4. You bake bread too? I am very good at it. Do you need help? – Yeah right, I’ve been baking for years now. But hey, I will remember to invite you when I have the next bread-baking party.
5. It’s cold and wet outside today. You don’t want to go out. Let me just go to your place. – This is clever. They know how much I hate cold weather.
6. I hate smoke. But you know it’s impossible to find a non-smoking place in Tokyo. – True. And I hate smoke with a passion myself. But I hate to be sexually harassed even more.
7    7.  Can we just stay in your place and have a quiet night? – They know me too well. I like to stay home at night.
8    8. Oh I just found this awesome ice cream shop near my place in Yokohama. Let me bring you some. – This is just too low. Ice cream is my weakness.
9    9. I’ve got some music I compiled for you / your photos from our last photo shoot. I’ll drop them at your place later. – Hmmm, I can’t wait to hear the music /see the photos. Let’s meet at a café and I’ll bring my MacBook.
     10. I give a great massage. You look tense. Shall I give you the best back rub you’ll ever have? – This is a plain insult to my intelligence.

Surprise me, please. Who knows? You might actually get an invitation if you are creative enough!

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