Wednesday, March 7, 2012

One Love

This is based on a recent Skype conversation between me and one of my ex-fiancés:

He: Why can't you just accept 99% of me? Nobody is perfect. 1% of me will make mistakes sometimes. Flings and one-night stands are only temporary. But you will always be my partner.

Me: You mean, you will have sex with other women 3.65 days a year and you expect me to accept that?

He: Yes. But you are free to have affairs too, as long as you tell me everything afterwards. 

Me: I, I...

He: I want to share your experiences and make them ours. I accept them because they are part of you. 
And I will tell you mine too.

Me: Well thanks. But does that mean I will need to force myself to have new adventures so that I have something to share with you when you share yours with me?

He: I don't understand. Why do you have to force yourself?

Me: So that I don't get emotionally dependent on you, so that you will never have all of me. 

He: But that's OK. I don't need all of you. You can have lovers.

Me: But what if I get emotionally attached to one of them and decide to leave you?

He: That's the risk we both have to take. We have to keep reminding ourselves that affairs are just affairs. The relationship between you and me is the only real thing.

Me: I want real love, not real arrangements.

He: But this is a kind of love too. The realistic kind.

Me: For me, if there is no trust, there is no love.

He: Of course we have to trust each other to keep our affairs temporary.

Me: So when we go out dining and you smile at the pretty young girl sitting at the next table, how would I know if she is your current, past, or future affair?

He: I will tell you. We share everything, remember?

Me: We have completely different expectations of a partnership. I am sorry. I don’t think this will work.

He: It will work, if we have the mutual understanding.

Me: Marriage is for the people who believe in monogamy. You obviously don’t. Why did you even propose to me?

He: We are perfect for each other in many ways. You just have to change your way of thinking a little.

Me: We disagree on the most fundamental level. How can we be perfect for each other? I am sorry. I hope you find someone who also believes in open marriages one day.

He: I am very sorry too. I hope you change your mind one day.

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