Mail Order Bride

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWOgNxa_cT0

Why do people look for marriage partners outside their countries? Is there really nobody local they find good enough to marry?

To answer these questions, we have to first look into the issue of yellow fever. Many of my male Caucasian friends have lived in Asia or dated Asian women. And after that, they are so spoilt that they just can't possibly go back to Caucasian women.

Their common argument is Asian girls have the family values that don't exist in the west anymore. Personally I think what they mean by “family values” is that the man is the most valuable in the family. I wonder why I have never heard any Asian girls consider Caucasian men excel at the "family values" thing.

Another popular belief is Asian women “keep” well. They usually look much younger than their age. It’s probably true. But unfortunately, I don’t think most Caucasian men have the same advantage.

Many of my friends also told me that Asian girls are more feminine and sexy. Well I happen to think Caucasian men are more masculine and sexy too, even if many of them suck at “family values” and some can look much older than their actual age.

I suppose that’s why we don’t see many Asian men looking for western women or vise versa.

However, international dating has many problems. Many on-line relationships fizzle out after a while, even before the first real date. And even if they manage to meet face to face, the next step will be a long-distance courtship, which has 99% chance of failing. And if miracle does happen and one party moves countries, there would be many potential problems such as cultural shock, language barrier, etc.

That’s it. To save everybody the trouble, I’m going to set up a mail-order bride business. I will be specialized in exporting Japanese women to any countries, no matter how remote they are. But of course it will cost more for places like Alaska or Asmara.

All my brides will have strong family values. They will look young, feminine and sexy. And I will also teach them English.

Sorry no refund, return, or exchange.

I Want Your Sex

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0S9X1DfLJ7U

Tokyo has the biggest underground sex industry in Asia. Unlike Bangkok and the other Southeast Asian cities, sex here is not exactly out and open. You have to know where to look. But it’s carefully catered to every whim of man’s desire.

There are various exotic entertainments such as happening bars, ear cleaning maid cafes, diaper change parlors, train groper pubs, S&M clubs, soapy massage baths, deviant sex shows, etc. You’ve got to hand it to them. Japan is definitely leading in the sex games. Who says they don’t have imagination??

Compared with all the above, hostess bars are probably the most innocent. There are many beautiful girls there with sad stories. If I were a Tokyo university graduate and had to support a poor family of 14 plus a dying mother in the hospital, I might also consider working as a hostess myself. Why not? It’s the fastest way to Gucci bags, even though I am not into brands.

Seriously, I have nothing against hostesses. Hot chicks have got rent to pay too, and it’s certainly their choice how to pay it. Japan has the healthiest attitude towards sex. Porn stars can host children’s TV programs. Porn magazines are displayed in every convenience store and salary men read them openly in the train.

And if you are against paying for sex, Roppongi is always full of willing girls if you are lucky enough to be white. I still remember many happy faces of my western male friends when they talked about Roppongi and the new comers’ eager and fascinated voice when they questioned me about Roppongi in detail.

Welcome to Tokyo.

Let’s Chill

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Wj8Yxa309E

Tokyo is frozen. We can still see last week’s snow on the street. My half dead plants on the balcony have completely given up. I’m not sure if I am watering them or icing them anymore.

But we still have to go out, even if it’s just to show ourselves we do still have some social life going on. So I accepted this invitation to a charity buffet to save Fukishima animals that were left behind after the earthquake. Then I spent the following two weeks dreading if they would have many photos on the wall and I would have to eat with all the cats and dogs staring right at me.

Luckily they didn’t. There were some photos, but all of the cats and dogs seemed smiley. And the people there were even friendlier than the animals. Most of them were shy, but when they started talking about anything with four legs, their eyes lit up and they forgot their shyness.

Some of them have braved the radiation zone to rescue the animals. And many of them still go to Fukushima regularly to take care of the dogs and cats they have rescued. I admire their dedication and perseverance. You can only make people believe if you truly believe. It’s the kind of passion that can make a difference and change the world.

I’m glad I went and met so many wonderful although a bit weird people. But now I’m just trying to stop wondering how those deserted Fukushima pets can get through this bitterly cold winter.

Get My Party On

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OvtJ5I0ToH0

I don’t go out very often. I know it sounds antisocial, but I just like to stay in my own world at home. So last weekend was very unusual for me. I partied 3 nights in a row.

Friday night I went to friend’s gig at a pub. The singer has the perfect voice for rock, powerful and yet sensual. She had a bad cold that night but somehow she made magic happen while in pain and drugged with mucus meds, steroids and alcohol.

There were three photographer friends there and they are all married. I was watching one of them dancing with a young and cute girl with some bemusement when her friends dragged her away and told him that she had a boyfriend. I guess she was very drunk and forgot she was in a relationship too.

Some other guys also made the move on me, but I was very good at ignoring them now. Finally the man sitting behind me said, “Hey, everybody likes you!” I replied simply, “They like everybody!” I was just being realistic.

The next evening I went to a French friend’s birthday party. It was quite a sight with about 30 French people crammed up in his tiny Japanese flat smoking, drinking and laughing. Although they were all talking simultaneously, they seemed to understand each other anyway. Now just imagine a full house of sexy French accent!

The food was excellent, but I wasn’t really surprised since they were French after all. But I was very impressed by the restaurant quality Indonesian beef curry made by the host. Yum.

Finally, I had a Chinese New Year party in my place Sunday night. I was overwhelmed by the sheer number of guests. More than 40 people turned up including Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese, Australians, Germans, Americans and French.

It was a potluck, so we had lots of food. We also made dumplings and kept eating the whole night, which happened to be the traditional way to celebrate Chinese New Year. The grand finale of the night was a beautiful strawberry cake made by a professional patissier who teaches at Le Cordon Bleu.

I think now I need the whole week to recover from all the excitement of the last weekend.

Sexy Back

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Bedroom Bounty Hunter

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FPL623xHWto

Sometimes I really hate my thoughts. Here is one of them:

Is Tokyo infested with players (when they have money), losers (when they don’t) and losers who want to play (the worst case)?

I’ve been pondering what love means. But I’ve reached the most unfortunate conclusion: I should probably try to understand what sex means first, especially if I ever want to understand men.

Naturally I would like to believe not every man thinks that sex is to be scored or boasted about. I remember once a friend told me he considered sex as a present only for someone he cared for. Of course he enjoyed it too, but he focused on giving. He was French and drove a red Ferrari. Go figure.

Nevertheless it got me thinking. What made a guy go around telling girls he had this special gift just for them? Hang on, did he mean “gift” as a talent? Well either way, has this line ever worked with any girls?

I shudder to imagine a girl using the same line, "I have this gift only for that special someone. I just love giving."

Are there indeed some decent, charitable gentlemen who enjoy helping “women in need” even though they usually live like a monk when they are not otherwise engaged in any philanthropic activities?

I honestly doubt it. But then again perhaps I am wrong.

So I still don’t know what sex means to men. :(

Cupid

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Qj6sDcVRUQ&feature=fvst

Many of my friends use dating websites to find the love of their lives. Some lucky ones have actually succeeded and got married this way. I don’t know how they managed that. All I see is red flags after red flags in people's profiles, for example:

(1) 6-month premium membership. Now how do they know 3-month basic membership won’t be enough?

(2) In search of an open-minded person. They are married.

(3) No photos, or have a photo but wear sunglasses, hat or both. They are in a “complicated” relationship.

(4) Photos showing too much skin. Is this the meat market now?

(5) Photos with a puppy. They are not cute enough, so they need a puppy in their photos.

Special warning: there is a photo with a gorgeous guy half kneeling down on the lawn and a Labrador puppy next to him. It’s a scam. I’ve seen this photo used by many different names.

(6) Opening line is “Hi ladies.” Notice the plural?

(7) Many grammatical mistakes. How can you communicate with each other? Sign language?

(8) “I am educated.” Arrogant bastards. They will make you feel like a Philippine maid.

(9) “I want a clean and thin woman.” They want sex. Clean sex.

(10) Promise to reply to every inquiry or have their email addresses skillfully and sneakily listed. They are desperate.

(11) Occupation is “other.” They are jobless. 

(12) "Insincere people need not reply." They are still struggling with their emotional baggage.

(13) "Willing to relocate to different countries." What's wrong with their lives there? What you mean to them is only a visa to come and live here.

There must be more. But gee, we really have to try to think positively, don’t we? 

Bye Bye Love

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F_129ZFctDk

I’ve heard my fair share of lame lines, but one of them is definitely unique to Japan and frequently used by western men here:

"I can go to Roppongi and get any girl for a one night stand, but look, why am I here with you? I want more too. I don’t want meaningless sex!”

So let's just get on with it and get down to business? Should I feel obliged to provide lots of meaningful sex simply because you go through all the trouble dinning with me even though we go Dutch?

We now live in the instant age. We drink instant coffee in the morning, eat instant noodles for lunch, and have instant love at night. It’s a fast moving world. Screw love and romance. Let’s take the shortcut to the bedroom (when in) or bathroom (when out).

Does the guy who pressures a girl into sex actually wonder if she is enjoying it? And does the girl who gives into pressure later resent it and stop seeing the guy even if he can care less? What gives these guys the sense of entitlement and think they can get whatever they want, whenever they want? Being white, or being rich, or both?

Seriously, how many dates should you go on before you expect to have sex? Personally I don’t expect, because it’s not something you sit down and plan for. The number of dates doesn't really matter either. But it’s essential to establish a good and solid connection first. And if you don’t have time for that, well, good bye and good luck.

Because, like you said, you can get any girl you want in Roppongi. You don’t need me.

Out With A Bang

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xn49IDcTpFEE

Last year 30,513 people took their own lives in Japan. Of the total, 20,867 were men and 9,646 were women. The good news is Japan doesn’t have the highest suicide rate in the world (Lithuania holds the current title), or even in Asia (South Korea). The bad news is suicide is now the leading cause of death for men age 20-44 and women age 15-34, the most productive and reproductive demographic group that Japan desperately needs for its dying economy and aging society.

Interestingly enough, the ratio of female to male suicide victims in Japan and South Korea is exceptionally high compared with the other countries. I suppose it means in Japan and South Korea, men and women are almost equally unhappy, while in other countries, men are obviously much more depressed than women.

What makes Japan unique is probably the way people choose to go. One of the most common methods is jumping the rails. We are used to sitting on the train when it suddenly screeches to a halt and followed by the announcement of yet another "human accident" (jinshin jiko). 

When it happens, many foreigners are stunned by the reactions of their fellow passengers who seem either completely indifferent to the tragedy just occurred or apparently angry because of the inconvenience it has caused, but no one shows any empathy or horror at all. 

I know the Japanese attitude toward suicide here seems bizarre and creepy to the foreigner who don’t live here, but what else do they expect when this can happen to us on a daily basis? 

And think about it, it’s probably not a bad way to go. It's effective and efficient. It's simple and can be done spontaneously. It doesn't cost you a dime to do it, even though it will cost your family a fortune to pay the fine (usually around 100 million yen). It's no news that they have hole-in-one insurance for the golfer here. I won't be surprised if they also have the insurance for the surviving families of the jumpers.

I suppose if nobody notices you when you live, that's your last chance to get people's attention, to go out with a bang so to speak. It's your final statement and your protest against the society that has let you down. 

The funny thing is, if you know Japanese well enough, they spend all their life trying to be the same as the others and not to inconvenience anybody. But when they decide they have had enough of that and it’s time to top themselves, they would take this approach, get everybody's attention and cause maximum inconvenience. 

Now what can we do to stop this madness? I think that's more important than what's happening in our head when we just sit there waiting for them to clean up the mess. 

Some railway companies have installed blue LED lights in stations hoping to calm the people who are comteplating jumping, although personally I suspect the lights could have the opposite effect because blue only adds a touch of surreality. We also see those barriers putting up on the platform to prevent people jumping. I am sure they are better than nothing. But the best anti-suicide measure I’ve heard so far is to put up a sign on the platform asking potential jumpers if they have cleared their computer hard disks. 

Or better yet, Japan being the most law-abiding country in the world, I wonder why the Japanese government hasn’t banned it, you know, just make it illegal. Jumping the rails is a crime now. Please choose another way to die!

Alive

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZMJXADJWZBI

You can be alone without feeling lonely, a bit like you can live without feeling alive.

I am not saying you need a relationship to feel alive because believe me, you can feel very dead when you are trapped in a bad relationship. In fact, you can feel lonelier being with the wrong person than being alone all by yourself.

Of course we all want to fall madly in love and to feel passion, pain, and all the other stuff. When love only brings you joy and no pain, ha, just you wait. But when you don’t feel passion, hmmm, you have an even bigger problem.

Many people live their everyday life feeling nothing inside. It’s the choice they made. An old friend once told me he was content and at peace with himself and by himself. He didn’t want any ups and downs of the love drama in his life. So far everything has been going well with him except his depression and extremely rare outbursts of emotions.

I’ve never envied the life of monks. They have to love too many people, while I only ever want to love one man. So now I am just waiting patiently for that glorious day when the one who can make my heart beat faster comes my way. I don’t know how long I’ll have to wait, but I am sure he is out there somewhere.

The secret is hope.