Holiday Blues

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQDHIN-Qjkk

The more sophisticated way to put it is Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). That nice doctor on YouTube just convinced me it could be life-threatening.

I wonder how many people are sitting at home alone like me on the Christmas day. Not many, I hope. Most people would rather meet their friends and have a drink in the pub, even if they are not with their family.

But Christmas means nothing to me. First of all, I am not a Christian. And second, I am used to be alone at Christmas anyway. Being immune to Christmas also gives me the advantage and distance to observe other’s holiday blues.

I had another marriage proposal this morning, and dispensed my free advice to a friend who is lovesick and another friend who is sick of love. I refused the proposal as gently as I could, told the first friend to propose to his girlfriend immediately and the second one to break up with his as soon as possible and move on.

So after a phone call from Australia, some Facebook messaging with the first friend in the States, and a Skype chat with the second friend in Italy, I marveled at how the holiday affected people.

We all need love, but why especially in this season? I know they are all with their family now. Isn’t that enough? Or is it exactly because they are with their family?

When they watch their brothers smiling tenderly at their sister-in-laws, when they see their nieces and nephews running around giggling, or when they realize their aging parents are getting even grayer now and will be gone one day, do they then suddenly feel truly and utterly alone?

I suppose it’s too late to wish them Merry Christmas this year. So instead, I wish they could soon find that special someone to have every happy Christmas with, or I shall start charging them for my advice!

Shiny Happy People

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCQ0vDAbF7s&ob=av3e

It was a pleasant surprise last night that I managed to grab the last table at Faro Shiseido in Ginza. Now being the Christmas season in Tokyo, many people find it harder to get fed than to get laid.

The place is festively decorated with shinning happy people, including guests, waiters (hey did you see any waitresses there? I didn’t,) and French sommeliers.

I was given a discrete menu without any prices listed, so I decided to leave the ordering to the capable hands of my dinner companion. I couldn’t pronounce half of the stuff on the menu anyway. So there would have been no way for me to pretend to be pretentious, even if I had set my mind to.

After the wine was presented, admired, decanted, breathed, poured, tasted, and approved, I almost died from thirst, although I must say it was an excellent choice, and went right to my head through my empty stomach.

And then the dinner course started. The food kept coming, at one point I thought it would never stop. Everything was fantastic, salmon mousse, foie gras, grilled fish, steak fillet, pasta with black truffle sauce, oyster and spinach risotto, etc etc. Even my companion who has the pickiest tongue I know had to agree it was good, albeit reluctantly.

I successfully persuaded him to break the rule (that seems to be my role with anybody…) and share our food, which unfortunately earned us a lesson from one of the concerned sommeliers. But look, I really don’t mind making my taste buds totally confused, they are happy enough, thank you very much!

Although I love bread, I tried my best to stay away from many kinds of the delicious looking bread they offered. But even without the bread, I was stuffed. So I began to take pictures, which somehow helped my digestion.

When the dessert trolley came, miraculously my appetite returned. I treat deserts with reverence, I do. So no surprise it was the highlight of my evening. I probably had about 20 different kinds of sweets. Cake, tart, pie, cookie, candy, pudding, chocolate truffle, etc... you name it.

Of course it was a feast. But what made it wonderful was being with someone special. It was one of the best dinners I’ve ever had. Thank you, my friend.

Faro website: http://faro.shiseido.co.jp/restaurant/

Happy Birthday

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ztoSUhbNntQ&feature=related

What do people feel on their birthdays, I often wonder? We always wish people a happy birthday. Is it because we know they will be sad? And is it also why we give them presents? 'Hey, I understand it's your birthday, but look, here is something to cheer you up!'

I have never felt overjoyed on my birthday, as far as I can remember. On the contrary, I always get quite worried because now I have less time for all my ambitions. So I see no reasons to celebrate. even though I do enjoy the present part.

But I don’t feel depressed on my birthday either. I treat everyday like my birthday, working hard to spoil myself rotten. And over the years of practice, I excel at it.

Birthday cake is something else though. I love all sweets, so I can tolerate any birthday if there is a cake. But I can’t really say I believe in birthday wishes. I used to make only one wish: I wish all my wishes come true!

Having said that, I do have a wish for my birthday this year, and every year in fact. And this is not only for me, but also for you. I wish we all get to be with someone we love on our birthday. That's what makes birthday really special.

Flirting With Disaster

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rhhtRxqSrys

Of course I know I could be frightfully outspoken sometimes. Even I am scared of myself. I can never predict what I will say next.

When I have an interview, I always make the poor interviewer nervous, although I am never quite sure which he finds more distracting, my sharp tongue or my shapely legs.

Once my lunch date asked me annoyingly, “Don’t you know I am well-respected in my business here?”  Hmmmm, let me think, well, no sir, I don’t, and I am not doing any business with you anyway.

I have met my fair share of alpha males, and they all demand to be treated with special care. But honestly, is it not enough to be the prime madonna in the office? Would they say to their partners, “Honey, make love to me with respect, and stop teasing me about my thinning hair. I am a very important businessman, you know?”

If by whatever chance, I happen to be standing right next to the Emperor at a party, I would probably make him either laugh out loud with mirth or scream for the guards in 3 minutes. And I never know which will be the case. So you see, I’ve got a very good reason to be fearful for my fearless tongue.

But believe me, I am actually making an effort to be good. So next time when you read one of my highly inappropriate remarks, politically incorrect jokes or religiously offensive comments, please remember I have officially announced my disclaimer here now.

Sorry, have I said something wrong now? I do apologize!

Johnny Is Hot

(The song is currently being composed…)

I met a guy on the world wide web


He’s smart, a hunk


He’s never drunk

Everyday we chat, we email


We are soul mates for real


We both had partners from hell


But finally our love prevails



Johnny is hot


Johnny is hot hot hot



We are going to meet next week


Oh my God, what if he limps

What if he stinks


What if I think


He is a freak

Oh so what

Johnny is hot

Johnny is hot hot hot

Alright, Okay, You Win

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MTkpjdHC6SA

One thing Japanese don't do is confrontation. That's why you always hear them saying sorry. I am not joking, they even apologize for their thoughts. So having been here for years, naturally I am now also extremely reluctant to confront. Or maybe I am just getting lazy...


When I am not sure, I usually wait for more data to process. And even if I am 99% sure, I still tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. But I am not afraid of confrontation when it has to be done.

If we always avoid confrontation by saying sorry, things will appear ok in the short term, but there will never be any improvement in the relationship. The other day, a friend posted a comment on Facebook:

“Apologizing does not always mean that you’re wrong and the other person is right. It just means that you value your relationship more than your ego.”

Of course it’s a sound piece of advice. But I’ve heard this too many times before, "I am very sorry for hurting you." I used to fall for this at first, until one day I realized it actually implied, “But I am not sorry for what I did.”

You see, they say sorry although they believe they haven’t done anything wrong, and then they do it again until you finally either get used to it or give up the relationship. It’s classic manipulation.

I believe confrontation has nothing to do with proving the points or arguing who's right and who's wrong. Saying sorry seems to be a good idea to avoid an immediate fight while both parties are still hotheaded. But for the long term, it might be a better approach to be honest, open, and find the middle ground together.

Yesterday another friend also posted something on FB which I found inspiring. We talked about how men hunt and women fish, but he thinks it’s not the hunting or fishing which matters. It's all about cooking, in his opinion, because after the hunting and fishing, a couple has to learn how to cook together and that's what binds them. I think he is absolutely right.

And the first cooking lesson any couple has to learn is how to agree to disagree, because you can never find 2 people who think exactly the same way or like exactly the same things. Fights are not necessarily  bad. A good fight makes you feel closer to each other even without the makeup sex!

I Don’t Wanna Get Over You

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gVtY8ZEj7Zw

I have learned to block painful memories, like every sensible person should. So now we all carry this emotional volcano with us wherever we go. Psychiatrists encourage us to understand our history of misery and rationalize. But I think they should just teach us how to block, bury, and blank it all out. Eventually that part of our past will be forgotten.

It's like cancer, there’s nothing to analyze. Granted, we cannot have our volcano surgically removed, but at least we can kill the volcano and make it a dead one. Well, I've learned a few tricks over the years, especially in the department of heartbreaks:

-- Rule number 1, stop listening to songs like “I Don’t Wanna Get Over You.”

-- Cry as much as you like, but ignore you have a brain. Do not think. Just feel the pain.

-- Delete all her photos, and remove her from all your contact lists, Skype, Facebook, mobile phones, email accounts, whatever you’ve got, so that you don’t call/write to her “by mistake.”

-- Eliminate all the stuff associated with her. Throw away her shoes for God's sake!

-- Establish new routines in your life. Avoid all the restaurants, pubs, museums, and shops you used to go together, and find other interesting places. And if you live in a village, you can always stay home and begin your Internet dating career.

-- Transform yourself. Assume a new identity and be a different person, i.e., start a band and become a rock star.

-- Find someone to hang out with or play with but always remember it's only for the transition period. Don't get too involved immediately, because you are not ready, and there is no excuse to hurt anyone just because you are hurting inside.

-- Move countries, if all the above fails. Take myself for example, Japan is my 4th country.

See, it’s not that hard really. You can do it, too!

It’s OK

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGe3GFWEO2I

I’ve been watching a lot of old movies lately, since I sprained my ankle about a month ago. So now finally everything about me is slightly twisted, I suppose. Anyway, the movie I just finished is “Pretty Woman,” a fairy tale about a prostitute who meets her prince.

I believe most girls have carefully watched this movie more than once, but do you remember what happens at the very end on the staircase? He goes, “So what happened after he climbed up the tower and rescued her?” And she replies, “She rescues him right back.” See, we are all deeply scarred now. Everyone needs to be rescued.

And do you remember the music? Well, it’s from the opera they watch earlier in the movie, La Traviata, another story about a prostitute who meets her prince but is forced to leave him because his dad doesn’t approve, which is of course quite different from the happy ending of the movie, in which his dad is conveniently dead already and can’t possibly be there to disapprove physically.

But why do we feel the need to marry someone who meets our parents’ and/or children’s approval? Aren’t we all grown up enough to decide for ourselves? Women have watched all the chick flicks to learn everything there is to know about love, and men have all watched enough porn to learn everything there is to know about sex. We are all well prepared. Do we really need any one’s approval?

Parents and children all leave us sooner or later. And friends are either already in a relationship or in the pursuit of one. Anyway I believe if they love us, they will be glad to see us happy, no matter whom we choose to love.

I have never chosen my partner to please anyone else but myself, because only I know what I really want and only I can feel how I feel.

Hmmm, I think I should skype my psychiatrist friend now.

My House

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1rtuQf9TwwI

We all get attached to something. Even monks have their favorite hugging pillows too.

I often find myself hopelessly attached to people, rather than things. But I don't get attached to places usually. I think that's why I keep wandering from country to country. 

Having said that, I think I have certainly developed a strong feeling towards my flat. It's much more than fondness, in fact, it's alarmingly closer to possessiveness. I am having a hard time selling it or even renting it out. I just can't imagine someone else cooking anything in my lovely kitchen.

You see, it’s like when you raise a puppy. I designed the floor plan and decorated the flat myself, from the switches, curtains, wallpaper, toilet to bathroom unit.

It's also very sunny and quiet, even though it's right in the center of Tokyo, with 7 convenience stores, 5 supermarkets, banks, post office, many restaurants, pubs, and shops, all in 2 minutes' walking distance. And most of all, it’s got loads of closet space for all my black dresses, leather jackets, mini-skirts, high-heels, and other junk.

But it’s not only my flat, I know I am also seriously attached to Tokyo. Being Asian myself, I am camouflaged nicely here, and I feel safely anonymous, while I always feel like an exotic bird among a herd of giraffes in most other countries I go to.

Hmmmm, it’s going to be tough to leave.

I Didn’t Do It

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4_H65XoykY

Cheating is an art, if you don't get caught, that is. Sadly, most people do get caught.

I understand that for some people, they need the ego boost for their lower than average self-esteem. What puzzles me is how they could be so arrogant to assume they won't get caught. Or do they also have lower than average IQ?

Their partners are probably just too wise to discover the game they are playing. Many women know their husbands are cheating on them, but they simply decide to turn a blind eye to it because they prefer having a cheating husband to having no husband at all. But sooner or later, the shit will hit the fan and nobody can pretend anymore. That’s when the real war begins.

So a clever man doesn’t cheat. He flirts. His motto is, “Get your appetite outside, but eat at home.” He never misses an opportunity checking out the babes in the pub (for the appetite), or talking to the hot chicks at the restaurant (for fanning the appetite), even when you are sitting right next to him.

He can hang out with his best friend who happens to be a gorgeous single girl, in fact, they text and talk to each other every day. But do not panic, they have known each other for years and although they do everything together, they have never actually hooked up (yet).

Oh but of course you have your pathetic suspicion. You can tell something is going on from the way they baby talk to each other, the shifty eyes when he talks about her, and the playful tone he reserves for her that is definitely not there when he talks to his mother.

But if you confront him, you will then most certainly be labeled insanely jealous. Honey, it's all just in your imagination, because look, they have never done the deed and they are not doing it now. There is no smoking gun, so to speak. So what can you do???

They are the true artists of cheating. It's emotional cheating.

Down With Love

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nYE-gSTwB20

This is the second cold I caught in 2 months. The fist one was totally unavoidable. After talking with many sick students for weeks, I finally gave up the fight and joined everybody else in town. But the second one was rather unforgivable. I just didn’t wear warm enough clothes when I was out the other day. Well, the price I pay to look hot is this cold!

So now I am officially sick again. Following the same routine, I ran to the doctor, grabbed my antibiotics, and promptly announced it to anyone who cared to listen. And then I made myself a cup of steaming ginger tea with lots of honey, turned on the heater, carefully wrapped myself up with layers and layers of blankets, put a box of tissue right in front of me, dug out Strauss from the pile of CD grave, and now I am ready for some serious self-pity (although waltz made it quite difficult.)

The weather is even perfect for being sick, cold, gray and wet. A friend just informed us on FB that he’s sick too. And he thinks the best part of being sick is getting over it. Of course he is right, but look at the bright side, going down with a cold is definitely not as deadly as going down with love.

And it’s the only time we don’t need any excuse to spoil ourselves. Plus you can commiserate with your sick friends too, discussing your symptoms and updating your status with each other.

Hmmm, now since I am too sick to make myself some chicken soup, I shall go and get some from that soupstock place then. Uhhhhh, the apple pie from the bakery next door is very yummy too. What else? Oh yes, chocolate! Sick people can eat as much chocolate as we like and never put on weight, don’t you know?

Santa Baby

http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&feature=fvwp&v=rXspgPH70BA

With Christmas coming, Tokyo is throbbing with lonely hearts. It’s a city with a mission now, to find someone to be with just in time for Christmas.

I am not kidding. There are suddenly lots of parties for singles because Christmas in Japan is for couples, not family. So now all the single people here are trying everything they can to get lucky for the big date on Christmas Eve, to pay an outrageous amount of yen for Christmas dinner, exchange expensive gifts, and stay at an over-priced hotel room for the romantic night.

One Japanese friend told me he used to hide in his darkened dormitory room on Christmas Eve, so that his mates thought he was out on a date. And now he is dreading the day his now teenage daughter has to stay home without a date, feeling ashamed and unloved like he did many years ago.

Traditionally, Japanese have this arranged marriage thing called "omiai", which is one on one, although both sets of parents, matchmakers and possibly other strangers also get to witness the beginning of their first date. But after about half an hour’s introduction of family history, the couple to-be-or-not-to-be is usually left alone to chat away about the weather or hobbies.

Japanese also have group omiai called "gokon", when a man and a woman bring 2 or 3 friends each and have dinner together, without any spectators. But omiai often produces no results. So many people join the dating clubs nowadays and conduct their hunting activity (konkatsu) there. But I heard they could be quite pricy, especially if you want to marry a doctor or lawyer.

But now with less than a month to go, many desperate single men have resorted to "nanpa", picking up girls randomly at pubs or on the street.

Oh well, it all depends on how much effort, time and money you are willing to invest on a romantic evening enjoying Tokyo’s dream-like Christmas illumination with someone you barely feel connected with.

For me, I will probably stay home again this year and watch an old movie alone. Or, on second thought, I could invite some friends over and party till dawn just for a change. And you? Wanna join us?

You Couldn’t Be Cuter

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13AKsl7ZZoc

Tokyo Motor Show is on now. Many people, OK I mean men, are there this very moment to see the cars and the babes. But seriously, I can never understand this. Look, give me your yellow Ferrari, and I will be your mid-life crisis!

One thing most guys don’t know is sports cars have ceased to be babe-magnets long ago. When women spot them now, we think Viagra. And the only attention they actually attract is from fellow men going through the same crisis. Hmmmm, it would be a bit confusing, but I am sure everything will work itself out.

And to make it even more interesting, mid-life crisis is not only for men anymore. More and more women start to feel it too. While a man’s mid-life crisis is said to be all about recovering his lost youth, a woman’s seems to be discovering her greatness. Personally I believe it’s just an excuse for having fun.

Traditionally people at certain age have fun by having affairs. And thanks to the Internet, you don’t have to wait for 7 years to have the itch now. You can have your mid-life crisis anytime you like, although nowadays you probably can’t afford to pay the bill from your divorce lawyer, even after you sell your yellow Ferrari.

So unless you are a divorce lawyer yourself, I suppose it’s not exactly ideal to have an affair. Plus, it’s so clichéd! I think what we need to do is to plan our mid-life crisis carefully, and be ready when it hits us one day. Develop a new hobby like belly dance or God, go and climb Mount Fuji every weekend, or start writing that novel you always promise you will one day, whatever makes you tick.

Hey, I can’t wait for my mid-life crisis to come!

I Can’t Stop Talking About Him

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KP0SHq5bTrI

How do you know if he is "the one", or a one-night stand? When do you tell yourself, yes, that's the one? When you first meet him, when you finally lose him, or somewhere in between?

I never know now. In fact, if I even start asking myself if he is the one, I am certain I will never love again, because I would be too busy finding all the reasons why he is not. And the more perfect he seems, the busier I get. I think they call it self-defense mechanism.

Of course the opposite can happen too. Many people now ask the question, "What did I ever see in that piece of work? So if the one you once believed to be the love of your life could turn into a real bitch or bastard, how could you ever trust your own judgment now?

My theory is, hmmmm, you are right, I quite possibly have a theory on everything, but hey, do you want to hear it or not?

Ok, my theory is we can all have many "the ones" in our lives. The one we had a crush on when we were in high school, the one we fell head over heels with after we landed our first job, or the one we spent the best of our past 2 years with. Mistakes or not, they lit up our lives however short the journey we shared was, became part of us, and made who we are now. 

But since I don't really fancy another mistake, I think now what I am going to do is insisting on not dating anyone I instinctively know is definitely not “the one,” no matter how much he cries or begs.

And if I meet someone who is my last thought every night and my first every morning, someone I can’t stop talking about during the day, then I will know he is “the one.”

Play The Game

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_5O-nUiZ_0

I know it's men's instinct to hunt and women's duty to run. But I still have doubts.

“Treat them mean, keep them keen" is one of the golden rules in the book The Rules, although many mothers have been passing this ancient wisdom to their daughters, generations after generations.

Well, my mum did. She always says men don't cherish anything if it comes too easy. But apparently I have never learned. I still don't know how to play hard to get. Honestly, I totally suck at this game.

Anyway I don’t have to play hard to get, because I am naturally so. I trust people very easily, but I don’t give my heart away without struggle.

On the other hand, I also don't know how to chase a man. In fact, I've never chased any, although I might’ve encouraged some just to see what would happen next, but only when I really liked them of course.

Men chase, and women let them. I suppose that’s how it works. I am not sure what it would be like if you reversed the roles. A friend told me his wife is still complaining today that she had to be the one who popped the question 20 years ago. So does he now feel forever trapped and she never quite satisfied?

I don’t know. And I am also wondering if my mum is right, are there no men out there intelligent enough to cherish a woman who they might for whatever reason consider “easy to get”? Or do women really have to play the game?

Cry Baby

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=So9ukd-VKdk

I am forever attracted to strong men who are strong enough to face their own emotions head on and, cry. They can cry after they watch Marley& Me, or when they talk about their first love, whatever, I don’t mind at all. In fact, I’ll probably join in anyway, although I am afraid I will have to draw the line if they cry when their favorite porn star dies.

You see, I have this theory about men without tears. They have an inferiority complex so enormous that they have to try to appear tough all the time. So one day they simply can’t cry anymore, and that’s when a cheating husband or a serial killer is born.

Having said that, I can’t stand men who are always in tears either. I am not their mother for God’s sake. But it seems many modern men have discovered tears are their best weapon too and are not ashamed to use it, although aesthetically speaking, I believe women can pull it off better.

Really, how can you just sit there and watch teardrops rolling down from those big soft brown eyes of a beautiful woman, when she is clearly distraught and needs your hug?

So I am 100% for tears. And compared with men without tears, cry babies are much safer anyway. When a man tells me that he never cries, I would run as fast as I can, because if he can’t feel for himself, he won’t be able to feel for anyone else.

Let’s all cry together!