I Will Be Here For You

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iny1iD-PMGI

Many of you have been waiting for this final chapter of the blog. But I guess I was just not ready to say good-bye to Tokyo. Until now.

Packing 14 years of my life in Tokyo into 60 boxes was like walking through the emotional land mine. The application form for the Japanese language school, the first job offer letter, many happy-birthday cards from my students, the divorce papers, etc. all exploded in my mind and took me down the memory lane where I was extremely reluctant to go.

Of course moving countries is never easy, but renting out the apartment I designed and decorated, getting rid of the furniture I spent weeks choosing, quitting the job I loved, and leaving my familiar and comfortable life style behind were all much more traumatic than I expected.

However the hardest part of all was saying good-bye to my dear friends. You see, I can force myself to throw or give away things that have sentimental value to me, but I can never do that to friendship.

I don’t have much. The only thing I am proud of is having so many wonderful friends in Tokyo. Some of them have been my guardian angels for years and some of them are new friends who I would love to get to know. They have been part of me and leaving them is almost like emotional amputation. It was the most difficult part of my leaving.

Before I left, I organized a charity auction to raise money for Japan Cat Network and to introduce all my friends to each other. Although I couldn't be there in person for the event, now many of my friends are connected and I am sure that their friendship will flourish with time.

But I want to remind them all that I will always be here for them. The distance shouldn’t matter with true friendship. And I also want to say thank you to all my dear friends - for having enriched my life, for laughing and crying with me, and for helping me through the darkest hours. Thank you!

Drink Myself Single

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUsP8Xf_O8Y

I understand it's probably easier for girls because maybe, and I mean MAYBE, in the mysterious “men's world,” the leader of the pack should always drink the largest quantity of alcohol and sleep with the most beautiful woman if not with the largest number of women – not very different from "The Animal Kingdom" on Discovery channel I suppose.

Fortunately I’ve been blessed with a near-zero alcohol tolerance. So it comes natural for me to relax and enjoy myself without drinking a drop. Oh yes, I get high on a glass of ginger ale and some good company.

I know many people depend on alcohol for a good time. The world simply looks brighter when they have some beer in them - people are nicer, jokes are funnier, and they are nicer and funnier themselves too.

Having said that, I do enjoy a glass of wine with my food sometimes. I like the taste, but not the effect on me – I just laugh louder and then fall asleep. I don't really care if people see me drunk, since I have already seen most of them drunk anyway. But I also don't care what people think of me even when I am the only one not drinking at the party.

Japanese are very relaxed about drinking, among the other issues such as smoking and sex. Most people don’t drive here anyway, so drinking is usually not considered as a problem at all.

But then again if you live with your family and you can’t control the amount you drink – oh well, it depends. If you are a man, lucky you, you could go home drunk every day and your wife would most likely stay as long as you didn’t beat her. But oh no, if you are a woman, your husband will not wait around and see if you can sober up because let’s face it, who wants to go home to a drunk wife?

Of course it’s an entirely different story if you are single. Come to think of it, it’s great for the economy if you go out and drink every night. In fact, our society is in urgent need of single drunks.

So now if you are with me, raise your glass – kanpai!

http://www.holytaco.com/10-worst-types-drunks/

Pussycat

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V8_5V3lGV00

Knowing winks, glinting eyes, and naughty smiles – the reactions I often get when I talk about Thailand, Malaysia, Vietnam, the Philippines, etc. with my male Caucasian friends. It’s not a big secret why Caucasian men love to visit Southeastern Asia, usually alone or with their mates. They enjoy being Sex God during their vacation. Girls want them suddenly! They don’t have to make any effort. Girls seem to throw themselves at every white man they see.

Of course the men didn’t expect anything like that or plan for anything to happen. They only buy the flight tickets, get on the plane, and innocently plant themselves at the right place - nightclubs or some famous streets and at the right time.

And when “it” actually happens, ooooops, I just got lucky – they think. And naturally they ignore the phone numbers and email addresses those young girls left for them. Yes yes, they have all been warned by their mates about the gold-diggers in that part of Asia where the average monthly wage is probably not even enough for a square meal back at their comfortable home.

It’s a fair exchange, they get free sex and the girls also get something they are interested in – their body, if not their money. And for those less confident men, not to worry - they can always buy sex. Many girls are for sale, and the men just happen to have the money and are indeed holidaying in the country, so why not? Remember, they didn’t plan anything to happen! It just did!

And the best part is, they can just disappear after they have had enough, unlike having one-night-stands at home with those young Asian girls who want to immigrate.

So now they can all go home after the holiday with a clear conscience, boost egos, satisfied grins, and perhaps something they refuse to believe until the doctor confirms their suspicion.

Love Me Like My Dog

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhWz1UShvx0&feature=related

I’ve had men after my boobs, my legs, my feet, my eyes, my lips, my nose, and my ears - and occasionally, my heart. They usually left my brains alone. Too intimidating, they said. But nobody has ever loved me like my dog. I had a dog before. He loved everything about me. And I loved him unconditionally.

Well, I am definitely a dog person, so it’s extremely weird how come I am doing something for Japan Cat Network now – a NPO mainly helping cats. And what I am trying to accomplish is also quite unique here in Tokyo. In fact, I believe it might well be unprecedented.

I am, hmmm, doing the first angel auction in the history of Japan - probably. OK to be honest, at first I tried to plan a bachelor auction since I can’t misbehave anymore myself. But the Japanese were horrified with the idea. So I decided to rename it “ angel auction” because I am too polite to use the word “slave.”

Now everybody is happy and we have about 20 angels ready to be auctioned off. But in the meantime I’ve started thinking about what to auction next. The cats and dogs at the shelters perhaps?

You see, if we give everybody a pet, it will be a world full of love. Isn’t that just splendid?

That’s Not My Name

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1c2OfAzDTI

Almost every week our diligent scientists alarm us of yet another brand new disease. I suppose that’s their job and besides, if you give a certain human disorder a catchy name, people can then start walking around sporting the very same disease like a badge of honor.

Of course I’m not promoting blissful ignorance, and I’m not a heartless bitch, not really. But I must say that we might all suffer from having one too many medical researchers nowadays.

Some may argue that we can only solve the problem when we properly identify it first. It’s probably true, but it also has the risk to blow things out of proportion and make the solving even more difficult.

Let’s face it, everybody is weird one way or another. Granted, there are patterns to some quirkiness, but can’t we just say, “Hmmm, she is quite a character.” or “Gee, he is certainly eccentric.” and leave it at that?

But then again, if those experts really need to label everything and don’t mind missing the perfect opportunity of naming the latest disease after themselves or something as bizarre, I suggest that we number the diseases like typhoons. It would save us the trouble remembering all the perplexing names too. And diseases could still be intelligently discussed, “Gosh, haven’t you heard? He has Syndrome Number 5, the poor fella!”

Love For Sale

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YNvGVVqRJEs

Bachelor auction is very common in the States. You can see it in many Hollywood movies too. One of my favorite movies, Groundhog Day, has a scene when Bill Murray is dragged away by a very happy Andie MacDowell after she wins the bid.

It's a popular way to raise funds for the church, community center, high school football team, etc. However, it’s such an alien idea in Japan. In fact, charity itself is still a fairly new concept here. Japanese usually rely on family or the government for help.

But I thought they would have at least heard of bachelor auction when I suggested that we have one for Japan Cat Network, the only animal welfare NPO authorized to enter the 20km zone in Fukushima.

To my surprise, almost all my Japanese friends had never even heard of bachelor auction. Although I spent hours explaining how it worked, I am sure they are still worried about my sanity now. It’s almost impossible to convince them that I am NOT trying to sell men for slavery, start a matchmaking service, or become a pimp.

Another problem is somehow I just can’t imagine Japanese ladies trying to outbid each other on anything, let along men. They will probably have to apologize first, “I am terribly sorry, but I am afraid I will outbid you now, if you don’t mind of course.” And they probably believe the highest bidder will be obliged to marry the bachelor in the end.

So naturally I started to think about having it the other way around and doing a bachelorette auction instead. But then can you imagine the nightmare of Japanese men excitedly bidding on the woman with the biggest boobs with their tongue hanging out?

Hmmm, I guess I would really have to wear an Afro wig, a fur coat, leather boots, and approximately 4.8 pounds of jewelry then!

I Wish You Were Dead, You Rascal You

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xe6JTHAWDT4

I met one of my old friends the other day and the first thing out of his mouth was, “Hey you look the same, even though you are married now!”

In fact he is not the only one. Many of my male friends are now at lost about how to treat me after I said, “I do” to another man. They either ignore me completely or behave rather awkwardly around me.

I often wonder what men think about married women, but especially now since I’ve recently become one myself. To be honest, I’m still practicing my role as a benign society matron, but somehow I just can’t really perceive myself as a paragon of virtue. Perhaps it’s a bit too dramatic a change from an evil slut!

And what do people expect married women to behave anyway? Should we stop wearing miniskirts and high-heels, only talk about our husbands and children, and exchange recipes with other married women now?

Personally I always feel safer around married men, not that I have anything against single men. But it’s true I lower my self-defense mechanism when I am talking with married men, even though I still pick up some unsavory signals from them sometimes.

It seems that the married status automatically grants us the image of being unthreatening – which is perfectly understandable. But I would really like to know why some of my previously close male friends suddenly consider me as harmless as the dead. 

Cheers

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7KtAgAMzaeg

I just don't get the bar culture. Well I used to enjoy the sitcom "Cheers", but I still wonder till this day why people go to the same smelly dark place every night and drink with the same people who they don’t even consider friends. To swap jokes with them - the jokes they feel funny only when they are sufficiently drunk? To flirt with girls they think hot only when they are wearing the beer goggles? Sorry, but I have a real hard time understanding the whole thing.

Are they afraid to stay home alone? Don't they have any hobbies? Is that why every night after work, they go home, shower and change so that they can go out again feeling pretty and smelling enticing, and then spend the evening sitting there drinking with all the other lonely people?

Maybe I am just an antisocial loser. Maybe people don't understand why I'd rather stay home and read, write, play music, or watch Seinfeld again. In my defense though, I do occasionally go out with a friend or two, sample the best food Tokyo can offer, and have a proper conversation over some drinks. I stay away from the gym due to my allergy to sports, but I would love to start dancing tango again. An evening at the opera, concert or movies would also be wonderful.

But Japanese have their unique bar culture too. After an exhausting day in the office, their choice of the evening entertainment is to grab a bite to eat at an izakaya (Japanese beer house) and drink until it’s time to catch the last train home.

The most interesting thing is, their choice of drinking companions is usually their coworkers - yup, the people they see all day every day. And together they bad-mouth everybody they know, especially their boss - which is called “nominication” in Japan, meaning “communication through drinking (nomi.)”

It simply amazes me what people have got to do to unwind. Hmmm, perhaps I just don’t have enough stress!

Masquerade

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FwoLNtUuCVk

Why do people like costumes? Cosplay is huge here in Tokyo. But if you are shy, you can go and eat Korean BBQ dressed like Queen Anne even if you are a man, or walk around in Harajuku as a banana and nobody would think you’ve gone bananas.

My imagination of that sort is pretty limited. I wore my Chinese dress to the only two costume parties I’ve ever been to and each time encountered about 2 dozen other girls also in Chinese dresses.

Of course I have some other kinky stuff at home like nurse/maid/waitress/schoolgirl costumes – but strictly for my bedroom mirror, mind you. I’ll never wear any of them out to a party since I don’t really want some middle-aged Japanese man to come up to me and ask how much.

One costume though is often associated with me in many of my friends’ fantasy – Catwoman. I suppose it’s because I already look like one minus the whip even without the outfit. You see, most of my clothes are black and my eyes are a bit cat-like. I often feel that I resemble a ninja anyway.

Costume parties are great fun because we don’t have to be our usual boring selves anymore. We are set free to play different characters and we can all go absolutely wild, as long as we remember to keep our faces well under the masks.

But hey, come to think of it, who needs costume parties here? Everyday is Halloween in Tokyo!

You Don’t Know Me

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FRgQns-TJGM

I am sure most Caucasians living here in Tokyo have this experience – the waitress is only talking to your Japanese friends because she thinks you don’t speak the language.  It’s always fun when I go out with a Caucasian friend whose Japanese is better than mine and watch his annoyed face because the waitress ignores him completely. Well I might look more Japanese than my friend, but it doesn’t necessarily mean I can speak better Japanese than him.

But this time when I was in the Kiwiland, I had this interesting conversation - a very kind man asked me very slowly, “How much English can you understand? Every other word? Every third word?” So I smiled up at him sweetly and replied, “Every word, unfortunately.”

Of course I understand he was just trying to be nice. I certainly don’t look like a native English speaker. And for them, all Asians are from China - just like for Japanese, all Caucasians are from America.

Some of my new Kiwi friends decided, after talking to me, that I am “normal” after all and that I am more European than Asian when they talk to me. I suppose I should be happy that they’ve accepted me – if only they knew how abnormal I am!

But I am still wondering if I should buy a T-shirt saying, “I am a mail-order bride. Please speak VERY slowly.”

Melting Pot

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s4VqIPuiUlA

I just got back from the Kiwiland again – with my newly acquired MRS title this time and a blinding rock on my ring finger, still dazed but no longer confused.

One morning when we were at a café there, it suddenly struck me as odd that the only Asian faces we saw in most places we visited were all behind the counters.

Auckland has an amazing diversity of cultures. But it seems that all those cultures haven’t really been properly melted into one pot yet. In fact, it’s only half-cooked now.

I watched this movie on the flight back, “Apron Strings.” It’s a serious chick flick (oh yes, it can be done!) about two New Zealand families – one Indian and the other Caucasian. An engaging story as well as thought provoking. It reminds me of another movie, The Joy Luck Club.

To be honest, I am used to being stared at anyway - being a teacher (and a gorgeous one)! But it’s disconcerting to hear people talking like I was not there. I’ve never found myself lost for words, but how do you start a conversation with a Caucasian woman at next table noisily expressing her concerns for the Caucasian men dating “all those Chinese women”?

Excuse me, but I am very concerned about the Asian women there dating “all those Caucasian men” too!

Underneath The Mango Tree

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w08uQ8RPHzg

Some men seem to feel, within a short time after we meet, that I am the woman they want to be with for the rest of their lives. I have been thinking why I get marriage proposals more often than I would like to admit normal. And I think I've found some possible reasons.

One theory is purely statistical. I surround myself with like-minded people – men who are looking for a serious relationship. When I meet a man who is not ready, I just don't go out with him. But of course we can still hang out if he doesn't think I am too boring. So in the end all the men I agree to go out with are after the same thing as me - commitment. That's why they propose quickly.

Another theory is called “eating the mango when it’s ripe.” Many years ago, I was shopping in the supermarket one day when a middle-aged Japanese man came over and picked up something from one of my shirtsleeves. It was a sticker that happened to get stuck on me when I was buying mangos earlier. He had this most peculiar grin when he handed me that sticker. It said, "I am ripe and ready to be eaten."

Who knows, perhaps I still have that sticker on me somewhere, but only invisible to me!

Saturday In The Park

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWxA3e9f6rY

Picnic is such a romantic idea in this city jungle. Green grass, blue sky, and happy people – that’s right, people. Thousands of people crammed into the same park, everyone with the very same romantic idea as you.

At first you get excited at the fresh smell of the soil, the dancing leaves of the tress, the size of the jumbo ants, etc. Practically everything in the park makes you go ooh and ahh.

But slowly you notice the uneven surface of the ground you are lying on, the blinding hot sunshine, the noise from all the kids and dogs around, etc. Then you start to miss your comfortable sofa at home.

Picnics in Tokyo are very different from those you imagine in the west. Basically they are just big outdoor parties here. Food is the main entertainment. Oh and of course people drink too. In fact, many get so pissed that they become comatose.

I love parties. And I love food. Give me a picnic anytime. But we have to be careful though. Too much nature a day is dangerous to our health!

Here For A good Time

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sl3lcTZN7fI&ob=av2e

We all collect business cards. And we give away our cards too, sometimes.

I usually don't carry mine around, because I don't know who to give them to. People can find me if they want to anyway. We are a big happy family called Facebook. But even without Facebook, everybody is somebody's friend in Tokyo. It's too easy to track people down here.

However, business cards are still very useful, especially when you want to compartmentalize your life. Some of my friends have different cards for different people, often company cards for men and private cards for women.

Don't get me wrong. I’ve got nothing against this system. But if you do that, you will just have to be careful and not hand them out at the same time. Here, nice to meet you, I would like to talk business and football with you sometimes, and here honey, let's meet up for a real good time soon.

Look, I don't feel the need to discuss football with anyone, and business is the last thing I have in mind when I meet some stranger in the pub. But hey, am I a child now? Why can't I have your real business card? Doesn’t my mini-skirt look serious enough for you?

But the worst is when someone gives your friend or partner his card and completely ignores you. You are not even a child now. You simply don't exist!

It does make me wonder though, do they still believe that a woman’s place is in the kitchen?

I Like Chinese

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NH2P_pVze6s

Many westerners have this fascination with the Orient. Perhaps one reason is that they know they are worshiped like God here in Asia. It’s not only Chinese, all Asians are ready to please!

If you are an expat in Asia, congrats, you are in the right place. Those short people around you simply adore you. Even if you are living in your home country, you can surround yourself with all the Asian women who want to immigrate to your country. No worries.

But of course the best place to be is Asia. The problem is, when you are treated like God everywhere you go, sooner or later you will believe that you are indeed God. Here you can get away with anything you could never imagine yourself doing back home.

For example, when a 19-year-old Japanese girl comes up to you at the gym and all this poor girl wants is to have free sex with you on a regular basis, how can you say no?

You might even start to fantasize that you now have developed the pulling power you could never dream to have in your home country. You have definitely become God here!

Let's not underestimate the power of believing. Once you believe you are God, you are invincible now. You can do anything you like, such as helping married women at love hotels, partying at dodgy Roppongi clubs, enjoying happy ending massages, having threesome with teenage girls, going to orgies at friends’ penthouse suites, getting a one-night stand every night, etc. It's a paradise you can never leave.

There is no right or wrong anymore. You make the rules. You are entitled to maximize your pleasure in every possible way.

Welcome to Tokyo. We love you!

Love And Marriage

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x2hdol_McCg

Love and marriage, is it true that you can’t have one without the other?

After my divorce 2 years ago, I promised myself that I would treat myself better next time – if there is ever next time, and find someone I love, instead of someone I think I could learn to love.

But what’s love got to do with marriage anyway? Is it really just an illusion if you try to separate them? Well then does it mean that most married couples are living in an illusion? And how about love without any commitment or God forbid, marriage?

I’ve been thinking about marriage as an institution. Most European friends I know keep a safe distance away from marriage. But on this side of the world, Asians and North Americans tend to have a friendlier attitude towards it.

However, whether or not you believe in it, the divorce rate is increasing every year. More and more people remain single - even though they are not 100% happy about it.

I think one solution is to revive the system of arranged marriage, ban disgraceful divorces and extramarital affairs, and welcome back the Age of Innocence. No more emotional baggage. No more trust issues. One marriage for life, for better or for worse. How wonderfully simple!

To ensure a successful marriage, I am going to unite all my scientist friends and together we will try to develop a formula to bring all the lonesome souls together. We will quantify everything and document all the available data to determine the perfect equation based on every possible analysis such as genetic, social, cultural, physical, and psychological studies on each individual.

Once we have a workable hypothesis, we will then need volunteers for our experiment. Of course our good scientists will bravely scarify themselves for science’s sake. After we finalize the formula, we will then give it away for free. Whoever wants to find his soul mate can use it. 

Look, anything is better than the current situation where people are searching in the dark and do it through trial and error. Don’t you agree?

Let us help you!!!

Love Is A Battlefield

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGVZOLV9SPo&ob=av3e

I am an idealist, a dreamer. Very often I wonder if I will ever have enough courage to love again, although everyone I know seems to have the same problem.

Deep down we all want that crazy little thing called love. But how many of us are willing to love - I mean, really love? To give all your heart and soul for the happiness of that special someone?

Unfortunately, nobody is that stupid anymore. It's survival instinct. You protect yourself first.

Many men have said they loved me. I usually asked why. And many times they told me that they loved me because they felt happy when they were with me. Of course it was a good reason. I am not looking for a masochist after all. But it always makes me wonder whether I will find a man who simply tells me that he loves me because he likes to see my smile and he will do everything to make me smile.

I know I am such a hopeless romantic. But I can't help it. It's the way I am. And I know that if I ever find that man, I will do everything to make him smile too. There, that's my definition of love.

But until then, I will just try to focus on loving myself!

Bulletproof Heart

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Hmyzn0BHvo

One year ago today, I started blogging. It’s been an interesting journey, to say the least. My conclusion though, after a whole year of observation, is that most people in Tokyo have lost the ability to love. And I believe the reason is that nobody trusts anybody anymore. Trust is such a rare commodity here.

So everywhere in this city of 8.7 million people, you see restless souls roaming about in their own shadows, furtively looking for something they don’t even know. The only thing they know is never to trust another soul.

Many western friends have told me that the gaijins here in Tokyo are a completely different breed from the people they know back home. They’ve become corrupted during their struggle to survive here in this jungle.

Why do we all feel we should work hard and play harder? Ok, you might blame it on your star sign, but nobody I know can just sit still for more than an hour now. Everybody has to go out every night to feel they still exist.

In this Age of Uncertainty, we feel obliged to live the life to the fullest. Who knows when the next big earthquake will strike Tokyo? Who knows if you will lose your job next month? Who knows if your partner will be diagnosed with cancer tomorrow, or worse, caught red-handed cheating on you?

How many truly happy people do you know here? Some people are good at masking their despair, but deep down nobody knows what to believe and who to trust anymore. We don’t want to be disappointed or hurt, so we have stopped expecting anything from anyone long ago.

People nowadays are a miserable lonely bunch. Everybody insists that he is his own best friend. It’s just sad. Tokyo is a really sad city.

But look, we have to start believing again, because that’s when dreams start to become true.

Allow yourself to dream again!

Say Hello

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OsPygguW7XQ

OK OK I know I should be preparing for the coming new semester, but look, many girls have asked me this question and I am just trying to help:

     What are the best pick-up lines for girls to use on guys?

1.  John? John? It’s been a long time! Hmmm, you look a bit different. Hotter than ever in fact.
2.  Sorry, the music is too loud. Did you just say something?
3.  I never do this, but I’m tired of waiting for you to talk to me. (pout)
4.  I know you are probably wondering, so here is my answer - nope, I don’t come here often.
5. I speak English. (only in Japan)
6. What’s the pick-up line you usually use?
7. Kiss me if I’m wrong, but you work out a lot, don’t you?
8. What did you just order? There are so many different kinds of beer here. Could you help me to   choose?
9. Do these look real?
10. What if I tell you I’m not wearing any knickers?

To be honest, I’ve never used any of above. Actually I’ve never bothered with any pick-up lines. I play ice queen when I am in a pub. I don’t smile at any guys and I avoid eye contact. And I keep my answers short when someone still tries.

But that’s only because I don’t go to the pub to hunt. I go there to meet my friends, enjoy live music and if the music is good, I dance too.

Also I don’t really think girls should hunt, not with words anyway. The best weapon a girl’s got is her smile. If you want to be subtle, a glance should be enough too. Use your body language. Turn towards him. Look in his general direction. Throw in a shy smile or two. And if he doesn’t get it, then he is either gay or (happily) married.

I don’t really know what advice I can give to girls. All this is just theoretically speaking. I’ve never put any of this into tests. So good luck, girls!

Count Your Blessings Instead of Sheep

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJb-DSKAuMA&feature=fvst

It’s good to be home. I suppose that’s why we need to travel sometimes, so that we can learn to appreciate home all over again.

I just got back from the Kiwiland, which in fact is home for me too since my family is there. But every time I return, I am still surprised at the breathtaking scenery. It’s unbelievably paradise-like.

Everything is suspiciously picture perfect - the sun, the sea, and the sheep. Ok, I’ve probably heard hundreds of sheep jokes already, but they do resemble fluffy stuffed animals when they are not moving. I can’t really blame the Kiwis for liking them! :p

Apart from all the lunches and dinners with family and friends – the way Chinese connect to each other, I had a weekend trip on Waiheke Island, 45 minutes from Auckland by ferry and famous for its vineyards.

Naturally I visited a winery and tasted the delicious wine. I also went to a flea market, sat in the sun at an outdoor café, ate too much ice cream, and had a walk on the beautiful beach. And on top of all that, there happened to be a jazz festival going on that weekend. So I went to 2 gigs and was very impressed with the Kiwi bands.

Yup, lucky lucky me indeed. From what my family and friends told me, I was extremely lucky with the weather as well. They had a crappy, cold and rainy summer before I arrived, but it was sunny and warm almost every day when I was there. Ha!

But now, unfortunately, I have my newly acquired 2 kilos to deal with. I’ve been keeping a safe distance from the weighing scale since I got back. I wonder when I will have enough courage. But then again, I really have to try those 6 different flavors of Whittaker’s chocolate bars that I brought back. Hmmmm, what a dilemma! :(

Love Is In The Air

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNC0kIzM1Fo

Last Friday, the first warm and sunny day this year, there was definitely something in the air. Maybe it was love, or maybe it was just pollen.

After a bittersweet lunch date at my favorite French restaurant, I walked home still wrapped in my own thoughts when a Japanese man carrying a surfboard caught up with me.

He: (In Japanese) Excuse me, are you free now? Where are you going?

Me: (What? Is he talking to me now? Oh dear, he is. Fine, I’ll try my standard reply.) Sorry, I don’t speak Japanese.

He: (In fluent English, without any hesitation.) I speak English too. How’s that? (Followed by a cheeky grin.)

I couldn't think of anything to say, so I just gave him a sweet smile, shook my head apologetically, and kept on walking. Luckily he gave up then, unlike other more persistent ones.

But the freaking day didn’t stop there. Later that evening I was meeting a friend for another chat about our complicated love lives. When I was waiting for her at the station, a Japanese salaryman suddenly approached me and handed me a message saying in Japanese:

“My name is xxx. I just moved to Tokyo half a year ago for a new job. I would really like to have lunch or dinner with you. Please write to me at xxx@docomo.ne.jp or call me at 080-xxxx-xxxx.”

There is a first time for everything, but this one is just too creepy. Chatting up girls, or “nanpa” in Japanese, is not unusual. I am sure many girls have similar experiences of getting “nanpaed.” But getting a note like that from a stranger is simply weird. Why couldn’t he just say hello and introduce himself like a normal person? Does he have an especially fragile ego or something? :p

The funny thing is, many of my male friends seem to find my nanpa stories inspiring and some of them have even vowed to be more aggressive from now on. But personally I never go out with men who try to chat me up on the street or in the pub. They are just not my type. I know some of them are actually nice people even if what they see in a girl is usually her looks instead of her other qualities.

Anyway that day was certainly bizarre enough to make me start wondering if spring indeed makes people crazy, as Japanese always say.

You are Beautiful

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oofSnsGkops&ob=av3e

Some men seem to feel compelled to add, "Oh but I am sure many men have told you that." -- after saying, "You are very beautiful.”

And I wonder why? Granted, it’s much better than saying, “You are very beautiful, I am sure I'm the only man to have told you that.” But would you even consider saying this to a proud new father, "You baby girl is adorable, but I'm sure many people have told you that!"

So why do men do it? Do they just want to sound suave and charming whilst also protecting themselves from the cliché? Or are they trying, in an undiplomatic way, to figure out how much competition they have? And does it really sound more complimentary to women? I don’t know, but personally I think it only shows the insecurity.

I know I am thinking too much as always. But the thing is, women often pay each other compliments too and we never add, “but I’m sure you’ve already heard that many times before.”

It’s not that I’m uptight about getting a compliment. But when a man uses it as a pick-up line, it often makes me turn defensive and feels the need to start explaining that beauty is only skin deep, and I've never considered myself beautiful, blah blah blah… But when someone, men or women, tells me simply and genuinely that I am beautiful, I can always feel that and I just smile back and say thanks.

Of course it’s always nice to receive compliments. But to be honest I don’t have the star complex. I don’t need to be beautiful to everyone. I’ve always only wanted to be beautiful to one man - the man I love. That’s more than enough for me.

But if we do it at all, please let’s keep it simple:

He: You are very beautiful.

She: Thank you.

See, that’s easy. You can do it too!

She’s Got The Look

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LlVI7ZNiFlI

For many years I had my haircut in QB House, a local barber chain that provides a tolerably decent haircut in 10 minutes for the price of 10 bucks. But the best part is, they vacuum you when they are done with you so that you don’t walk around later covered in your own hair.

So I used to sit and wait for my turn there among Japanese salarymen, usually middle-aged with a pronounced beer belly. My existence definitely gave them some comfort, if not amusement.

Sadly after I changed my hairstyle about 2 years ago, I had to find a proper hairdresser. Now I go to the salon downstairs in my condo building. I am too lazy to venture far. Besides, I don't see why I should waste too much time on my appearance.

It's a big challenge for a foreign girl to live in Japan, I tell you. You are surrounded by all the gorgeous Japanese girls who are groomed within an inch of their lives. It's impossible to compete with their dedication to beauty and perfection. So I am now trying to focus on my inner beauty while secretly hoping that I might finally outshine them with my personality and charm one day.

Nobody really believes me, but seriously, I've never paid much attention to my appearance. In fact, the first time I put on any makeup was for my first job interview when I was 25, thanks to the help from the nice salesgirl at the Clinique counter of Bloomingdale's in Chicago. And I only learned how to use mascara a year ago - from one of my students this time.

And I never seem to remember to check myself in the mirror before I go out. Luckily Japanese are very polite and can always keep a straight face even if you wear your sweater inside out, which has happened to me more than once before.

Hmmmm, now you know why I am always surprised when people compliment me on my appearance!

Baby It’s Cold Outside

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4klyIX4RIWA

I can't believe this just happened:

He: Can't I just go to your place?

Me: No, I don't think it's a good idea. Let's meet at a restaurant.

He: Frankly speaking, I am tired of restaurants.

Me: You mean, you are tired of taking all those girls to expensive restaurants and yet seldom getting laid.

He: Oh, that's just one reason. I always eat too much at a restaurant.

Me: You know, you don't have to order too much, then you won't eat too much.

He: But I just want to talk to you.

Me: What makes you think we can't talk in the restaurant?

He: OK then. see you next time.

Me: Sure.

I can’t wait to hear his reasons of what’s wrong with museums, cafes, concerts, etc. People can be so transparent sometimes. Here are the top 10 excuses men have come up with to get invited into my place:

      1. I’ve missed my last train. You live near here. Can I stay with you tonight? – Well I happen to know they often miss their last trains, stay out and drink till dawn.

2    2. Can you play the cello for me? I love the sound of cello! – Sure, call me later and I will play for you over the phone.

3    3. I am very curious about your library. I have many books too. Can I see yours? – Ehhh, what do you want to see again?

4    4. You bake bread too? I am very good at it. Do you need help? – Yeah right, I’ve been baking for years now. But hey, I will remember to invite you when I have the next bread-baking party.
5. It’s cold and wet outside today. You don’t want to go out. Let me just go to your place. – This is clever. They know how much I hate cold weather.
6. I hate smoke. But you know it’s impossible to find a non-smoking place in Tokyo. – True. And I hate smoke with a passion myself. But I hate to be sexually harassed even more.

7    7.  Can we just stay in your place and have a quiet night? – They know me too well. I like to stay home at night.

8    8. Oh I just found this awesome ice cream shop near my place in Yokohama. Let me bring you some. – This is just too low. Ice cream is my weakness.

9    9. I’ve got some music I compiled for you / your photos from our last photo shoot. I’ll drop them at your place later. – Hmmm, I can’t wait to hear the music /see the photos. Let’s meet at a café and I’ll bring my MacBook.

     10. I give a great massage. You look tense. Shall I give you the best back rub you’ll ever have? – This is a plain insult to my intelligence.

Surprise me, please. Who knows? You might actually get an invitation if you are creative enough!

One Love

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdB-8eLEW8g

This is based on a recent Skype conversation between me and one of my ex-fiancés:

He: Why can't you just accept 99% of me? Nobody is perfect. 1% of me will make mistakes sometimes. Flings and one-night stands are only temporary. But you will always be my partner.


Me: You mean, you will have sex with other women 3.65 days a year and you expect me to accept that?


He: Yes. But you are free to have affairs too, as long as you tell me everything afterwards. 


Me: I, I...


He: I want to share your experiences and make them ours. I accept them because they are part of you. 
And I will tell you mine too.

Me: Well thanks. But does that mean I will need to force myself to have new adventures so that I have something to share with you when you share yours with me?


He: I don't understand. Why do you have to force yourself?


Me: So that I don't get emotionally dependent on you, so that you will never have all of me. 


He: But that's OK. I don't need all of you. You can have lovers.


Me: But what if I get emotionally attached to one of them and decide to leave you?


He: That's the risk we both have to take. We have to keep reminding ourselves that affairs are just affairs. The relationship between you and me is the only real thing.

Me: I want real love, not real arrangements.

He: But this is a kind of love too. The realistic kind.

Me: For me, if there is no trust, there is no love.

He: Of course we have to trust each other to keep our affairs temporary.

Me: So when we go out dining and you smile at the pretty young girl sitting at the next table, how would I know if she is your current, past, or future affair?

He: I will tell you. We share everything, remember?

Me: We have completely different expectations of a partnership. I am sorry. I don’t think this will work.

He: It will work, if we have the mutual understanding.

Me: Marriage is for the people who believe in monogamy. You obviously don’t. Why did you even propose to me?

He: We are perfect for each other in many ways. You just have to change your way of thinking a little.

Me: We disagree on the most fundamental level. How can we be perfect for each other? I am sorry. I hope you find someone who also believes in open marriages one day.

He: I am very sorry too. I hope you change your mind one day.

You Sexy Thing

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JIN36NweL6I&feature=related

Have you heard of a theory about love for sex and sex for love? It means men love in exchange of sex, while women have sex in order to be loved.

Of course it's cynical. But I have to admit it rings true with many men I have met. When they tell me they love me, they seem to think that they have also at the same time obtained the permission to my body. What they don't know is, I don't just jump into bed with all the men who have said those three magic words to me. It's not quite as simple as 'open sesame,' I assure you.

And when I ask them if sex is the only thing they can ever think of, I inevitably get this answer, "But you are too sexy!" Well sorry, it's not my problem, and I refuse to wear a burka just to make them feel safe with me.

Once a man told me I was lucky because I had the advantage of being sexy and I could choose whom to sleep with. I suppose his own self-perceived unattractiveness had driven him into capitalizing on every opportunity that presented herself, ooops, I mean itself. Hmmm, lucky lucky me - for having avoided being capitalized by him.

So now when I hear “I love you,” I often wonder if we have the same definition of love. And even if they do love me in their own ways, do I have to 'love" them back by sleeping with them?

I guess what I am trying to say is, girls, don’t be pressured into sex. Just say NO. If a man truly loves you, he will wait as long as it takes for you to feel ready. In the meantime, you can keep yourself for the man you choose to love one day and yes, all while being your sexy self.

And guys, if you don’t like girls teasing and flirting with you, please be brave and just say NO too!

Love, You’re Just A Laugh

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uozcQK-zHwI

I just saw this on YouTube:

“Happiness can be elusive at times..i guess...lol”

But perhaps the only elusive thing here is wittiness, not happiness. I never understand why people add ”lol” at the end of their sentences. Is it just a nervous habit like clearing throat? Or is it just a way to say, "Look here, I have an excellent sense of humor too!" Or is it the self-depreciating charm they are so eager to show? See how humble I am! I can even laugh at my own expense.

If we laugh at our own jokes, does it make people want to join us? And why do we have to be funny anyway? People often describe themselves in their profiles as “with a good sense of humor.“ But I suspect these poor souls won’t be able to recognize humor even if it jumps up and bites them in the butt.

I’m not trying to say it’s bad or even wrong to say whatever you like. My blog is never about right or wrong. All I am doing is to provide an alternative perspective. And trust me, sometimes I don’t even believe in what I write. For example, when I implore Tokyo people to stop jumping rails and to find another way to die, do you really think I meant it?

And when my brainy friends blame me for not presenting the whole picture, I just tell them they’ve written too many research papers. Give me a break, why do I have to think for you? It’s a blog, not a textbook or a newspaper. And anyway, do you really think you can trust everything in a textbook or a newspaper? So no, please don’t feel that you have to agree with me. I will be more than happy if you disagree!

Now go ahead and add “lol” at the end of each sentence if you must. But just FYI, it can have the opposite effect to what you expect on some weird people like me, LOL!

Ready Or Not

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iB5Jhgu261Q

Men and women fall in love very differently, but both with their heads -- although different kind of head.

I had this debate with one of my scientist friends earlier today about love or more precisely, the way we fall in love. He believes humans should just be human and follow our animal instinct to love. But I think we should carefully choose whom to love first.

Ask all women, and you will get the same answer. The worst nightmare a woman can have is to be in love with the wrong man. Of course it’s probably true for some men too, but women tend to give everything when they fall and they put their men on top priority.

Well at least that’s what happens to me when I fall in love. So I usually try to be cautious. I have to be able to picture the future with someone before I allow myself to open my heart and anything else for that matter.

If a man tells me he is in no rush to find someone special, then I know that he is not ready for a serious relationship and he just needs friends. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I like to have friends too. The more the merrier.

If a man says he just wants love, but no commitment. I wish him luck. I’m sure there are many girls who can love without any committeemen too. But not me.

If a man says he needs more than one girl to make him happy, then I know he has different values from me and will not stay monogamous. It wouldn’t be fair, because I only need one man to be happy.

If a man is crazy enough to fall for me, and loses his mind completely to the extent to propose or at least show his intent to build something for the future, well, I will then seriously consider our expectations and evaluate the possibility of forming the partnership. Together we can slowly figure out if we can learn to love each other the way we want to be loved.

Sorry, I’m too serious even for my own liking. But really, give me one good reason why I should fall in love with a man just for the “love” sake?

Be My Valentine

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dFqw8_T_mpE

It’s Valentine’s Day tomorrow. I was thinking about having a singles’ party and inviting all my single friends over to make chocolate together. But in the end I decided to have all the chocolate to myself.

After slaving away in the kitchen for over 3 hours and trying to make sense of this new truffle recipe, blueberry milk chocolate coated with dark chocolate, now I still smell of chocolate. I don’t think I can stand the sight of chocolate for at least another month.

In Japan, we celebrate Valentine’s Day very differently from any other countries. Girls have to give chocolate to all the guys they know, including their male colleagues (giri-choco, which means “courtesy chocolate”) and their partners (honmei-choco, which means “true-feeling chocolate”). And then on White day, March 14th, guys will return the favor by giving something more expensive to the girls.

Japanese love all the western holidays, Christmas, Halloween, and of course Valentine’s. Now they not only embrace Valentine’s Day whole-heartedly, but they have also made it completely their own.

There is no surprise that White Day was cooked up by the Japanese confectionery industry. It was originally called Marshmallow Day, but then soon it became big and marshmallows were just not profitable enough. Thus white chocolate, white lingerie, white jewelry followed. Now all industries benefit from this beautiful day.

OK, business talk again. Honestly I’ve been wondering why we still don’t have Easter here in Japan. It’s such a no-brainer! Rabbits are cute and Japanese adore everything cute. And who can sell chocolate bunnies better than Professor Usagi?

Please contact me if you are interested in investing my (yet another) new business. Let’s start making some serious yen!

Hey Jealousy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ah5gAkna3jI&ob=av3e

Jealousy is an ugly emotion. So I try to trust. But sometimes I feel many men are showing no respect towards their partners by openly flirting with me.

When I question their behavior, I am usually labeled as an uptight killjoy. So I just ask if it's ok when their partners flirt with other men. And of course they all say it's not cool.

Isn't that funny though? If a woman accuses her partner of flirting with other women, she is usually considered insanely jealous. But if it's the other around, we often feel sorry for the poor man. And when a girl cheats, she is s slut. But when a guy cheats, he is just being a man and there is nothing wrong about it.

A friend of mine often has business trips. He once told me that his trips were always only for 2-3 days, so he had no reason to cheat. I wonder what he thinks if his wife claims she’s got no reason to cheat because he is away for only a few days. Let’s just pray that he never has to be away too long.

How unfair can that be? Do we give men such freedom simply because of the biological differences? Or are there any social/cultural reasons behind? Why is the Scarlet Letter only for women? What has caused this double standard?

Girls, let's flirt back! Especially if you are in a relationship! And come to think of it, why don't we make the first move and initiate the flirting? We can always tell our boyfriends or husbands later, "Stop being so jealous for crying out loud. I was just having a little harmless fun!"

Seriously, flirting is healthy. If your partner doesn’t respect you and flirts with the pretty waitress, why can’t you smile up to the handsome waiter and sweetly ask his name? It’s going to be the most exciting meal you’ll ever have, I promise.

Let’s all follow our animal instinct and flirt away!