That’s Not My Name

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1c2OfAzDTI

Almost every week our diligent scientists alarm us of yet another brand new disease. I suppose that’s their job and besides, if you give a certain human disorder a catchy name, people can then start walking around sporting the very same disease like a badge of honor.

Of course I’m not promoting blissful ignorance, and I’m not a heartless bitch, not really. But I must say that we might all suffer from having one too many medical researchers nowadays.

Some may argue that we can only solve the problem when we properly identify it first. It’s probably true, but it also has the risk to blow things out of proportion and make the solving even more difficult.

Let’s face it, everybody is weird one way or another. Granted, there are patterns to some quirkiness, but can’t we just say, “Hmmm, she is quite a character.” or “Gee, he is certainly eccentric.” and leave it at that?

But then again, if those experts really need to label everything and don’t mind missing the perfect opportunity of naming the latest disease after themselves or something as bizarre, I suggest that we number the diseases like typhoons. It would save us the trouble remembering all the perplexing names too. And diseases could still be intelligently discussed, “Gosh, haven’t you heard? He has Syndrome Number 5, the poor fella!”

Love For Sale

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YNvGVVqRJEs

Bachelor auction is very common in the States. You can see it in many Hollywood movies too. One of my favorite movies, Groundhog Day, has a scene when Bill Murray is dragged away by a very happy Andie MacDowell after she wins the bid.

It's a popular way to raise funds for the church, community center, high school football team, etc. However, it’s such an alien idea in Japan. In fact, charity itself is still a fairly new concept here. Japanese usually rely on family or the government for help.

But I thought they would have at least heard of bachelor auction when I suggested that we have one for Japan Cat Network, the only animal welfare NPO authorized to enter the 20km zone in Fukushima.

To my surprise, almost all my Japanese friends had never even heard of bachelor auction. Although I spent hours explaining how it worked, I am sure they are still worried about my sanity now. It’s almost impossible to convince them that I am NOT trying to sell men for slavery, start a matchmaking service, or become a pimp.

Another problem is somehow I just can’t imagine Japanese ladies trying to outbid each other on anything, let along men. They will probably have to apologize first, “I am terribly sorry, but I am afraid I will outbid you now, if you don’t mind of course.” And they probably believe the highest bidder will be obliged to marry the bachelor in the end.

So naturally I started to think about having it the other way around and doing a bachelorette auction instead. But then can you imagine the nightmare of Japanese men excitedly bidding on the woman with the biggest boobs with their tongue hanging out?

Hmmm, I guess I would really have to wear an Afro wig, a fur coat, leather boots, and approximately 4.8 pounds of jewelry then!

I Wish You Were Dead, You Rascal You

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xe6JTHAWDT4

I met one of my old friends the other day and the first thing out of his mouth was, “Hey you look the same, even though you are married now!”

In fact he is not the only one. Many of my male friends are now at lost about how to treat me after I said, “I do” to another man. They either ignore me completely or behave rather awkwardly around me.

I often wonder what men think about married women, but especially now since I’ve recently become one myself. To be honest, I’m still practicing my role as a benign society matron, but somehow I just can’t really perceive myself as a paragon of virtue. Perhaps it’s a bit too dramatic a change from an evil slut!

And what do people expect married women to behave anyway? Should we stop wearing miniskirts and high-heels, only talk about our husbands and children, and exchange recipes with other married women now?

Personally I always feel safer around married men, not that I have anything against single men. But it’s true I lower my self-defense mechanism when I am talking with married men, even though I still pick up some unsavory signals from them sometimes.

It seems that the married status automatically grants us the image of being unthreatening – which is perfectly understandable. But I would really like to know why some of my previously close male friends suddenly consider me as harmless as the dead. 

Cheers

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7KtAgAMzaeg

I just don't get the bar culture. Well I used to enjoy the sitcom "Cheers", but I still wonder till this day why people go to the same smelly dark place every night and drink with the same people who they don’t even consider friends. To swap jokes with them - the jokes they feel funny only when they are sufficiently drunk? To flirt with girls they think hot only when they are wearing the beer goggles? Sorry, but I have a real hard time understanding the whole thing.

Are they afraid to stay home alone? Don't they have any hobbies? Is that why every night after work, they go home, shower and change so that they can go out again feeling pretty and smelling enticing, and then spend the evening sitting there drinking with all the other lonely people?

Maybe I am just an antisocial loser. Maybe people don't understand why I'd rather stay home and read, write, play music, or watch Seinfeld again. In my defense though, I do occasionally go out with a friend or two, sample the best food Tokyo can offer, and have a proper conversation over some drinks. I stay away from the gym due to my allergy to sports, but I would love to start dancing tango again. An evening at the opera, concert or movies would also be wonderful.

But Japanese have their unique bar culture too. After an exhausting day in the office, their choice of the evening entertainment is to grab a bite to eat at an izakaya (Japanese beer house) and drink until it’s time to catch the last train home.

The most interesting thing is, their choice of drinking companions is usually their coworkers - yup, the people they see all day every day. And together they bad-mouth everybody they know, especially their boss - which is called “nominication” in Japan, meaning “communication through drinking (nomi.)”

It simply amazes me what people have got to do to unwind. Hmmm, perhaps I just don’t have enough stress!

Masquerade

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FwoLNtUuCVk

Why do people like costumes? Cosplay is huge here in Tokyo. But if you are shy, you can go and eat Korean BBQ dressed like Queen Anne even if you are a man, or walk around in Harajuku as a banana and nobody would think you’ve gone bananas.

My imagination of that sort is pretty limited. I wore my Chinese dress to the only two costume parties I’ve ever been to and each time encountered about 2 dozen other girls also in Chinese dresses.

Of course I have some other kinky stuff at home like nurse/maid/waitress/schoolgirl costumes – but strictly for my bedroom mirror, mind you. I’ll never wear any of them out to a party since I don’t really want some middle-aged Japanese man to come up to me and ask how much.

One costume though is often associated with me in many of my friends’ fantasy – Catwoman. I suppose it’s because I already look like one minus the whip even without the outfit. You see, most of my clothes are black and my eyes are a bit cat-like. I often feel that I resemble a ninja anyway.

Costume parties are great fun because we don’t have to be our usual boring selves anymore. We are set free to play different characters and we can all go absolutely wild, as long as we remember to keep our faces well under the masks.

But hey, come to think of it, who needs costume parties here? Everyday is Halloween in Tokyo!