You Don’t Know Me

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FRgQns-TJGM

I am sure most Caucasians living here in Tokyo have this experience – the waitress is only talking to your Japanese friends because she thinks you don’t speak the language.  It’s always fun when I go out with a Caucasian friend whose Japanese is better than mine and watch his annoyed face because the waitress ignores him completely. Well I might look more Japanese than my friend, but it doesn’t necessarily mean I can speak better Japanese than him.

But this time when I was in the Kiwiland, I had this interesting conversation - a very kind man asked me very slowly, “How much English can you understand? Every other word? Every third word?” So I smiled up at him sweetly and replied, “Every word, unfortunately.”

Of course I understand he was just trying to be nice. I certainly don’t look like a native English speaker. And for them, all Asians are from China - just like for Japanese, all Caucasians are from America.

Some of my new Kiwi friends decided, after talking to me, that I am “normal” after all and that I am more European than Asian when they talk to me. I suppose I should be happy that they’ve accepted me – if only they knew how abnormal I am!

But I am still wondering if I should buy a T-shirt saying, “I am a mail-order bride. Please speak VERY slowly.”

Melting Pot

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s4VqIPuiUlA

I just got back from the Kiwiland again – with my newly acquired MRS title this time and a blinding rock on my ring finger, still dazed but no longer confused.

One morning when we were at a café there, it suddenly struck me as odd that the only Asian faces we saw in most places we visited were all behind the counters.

Auckland has an amazing diversity of cultures. But it seems that all those cultures haven’t really been properly melted into one pot yet. In fact, it’s only half-cooked now.

I watched this movie on the flight back, “Apron Strings.” It’s a serious chick flick (oh yes, it can be done!) about two New Zealand families – one Indian and the other Caucasian. An engaging story as well as thought provoking. It reminds me of another movie, The Joy Luck Club.

To be honest, I am used to being stared at anyway - being a teacher (and a gorgeous one)! But it’s disconcerting to hear people talking like I was not there. I’ve never found myself lost for words, but how do you start a conversation with a Caucasian woman at next table noisily expressing her concerns for the Caucasian men dating “all those Chinese women”?

Excuse me, but I am very concerned about the Asian women there dating “all those Caucasian men” too!

Underneath The Mango Tree

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w08uQ8RPHzg

Some men seem to feel, within a short time after we meet, that I am the woman they want to be with for the rest of their lives. I have been thinking why I get marriage proposals more often than I would like to admit normal. And I think I've found some possible reasons.

One theory is purely statistical. I surround myself with like-minded people – men who are looking for a serious relationship. When I meet a man who is not ready, I just don't go out with him. But of course we can still hang out if he doesn't think I am too boring. So in the end all the men I agree to go out with are after the same thing as me - commitment. That's why they propose quickly.

Another theory is called “eating the mango when it’s ripe.” Many years ago, I was shopping in the supermarket one day when a middle-aged Japanese man came over and picked up something from one of my shirtsleeves. It was a sticker that happened to get stuck on me when I was buying mangos earlier. He had this most peculiar grin when he handed me that sticker. It said, "I am ripe and ready to be eaten."

Who knows, perhaps I still have that sticker on me somewhere, but only invisible to me!

Saturday In The Park

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWxA3e9f6rY

Picnic is such a romantic idea in this city jungle. Green grass, blue sky, and happy people – that’s right, people. Thousands of people crammed into the same park, everyone with the very same romantic idea as you.

At first you get excited at the fresh smell of the soil, the dancing leaves of the tress, the size of the jumbo ants, etc. Practically everything in the park makes you go ooh and ahh.

But slowly you notice the uneven surface of the ground you are lying on, the blinding hot sunshine, the noise from all the kids and dogs around, etc. Then you start to miss your comfortable sofa at home.

Picnics in Tokyo are very different from those you imagine in the west. Basically they are just big outdoor parties here. Food is the main entertainment. Oh and of course people drink too. In fact, many get so pissed that they become comatose.

I love parties. And I love food. Give me a picnic anytime. But we have to be careful though. Too much nature a day is dangerous to our health!

Here For A good Time

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sl3lcTZN7fI&ob=av2e

We all collect business cards. And we give away our cards too, sometimes.

I usually don't carry mine around, because I don't know who to give them to. People can find me if they want to anyway. We are a big happy family called Facebook. But even without Facebook, everybody is somebody's friend in Tokyo. It's too easy to track people down here.

However, business cards are still very useful, especially when you want to compartmentalize your life. Some of my friends have different cards for different people, often company cards for men and private cards for women.

Don't get me wrong. I’ve got nothing against this system. But if you do that, you will just have to be careful and not hand them out at the same time. Here, nice to meet you, I would like to talk business and football with you sometimes, and here honey, let's meet up for a real good time soon.

Look, I don't feel the need to discuss football with anyone, and business is the last thing I have in mind when I meet some stranger in the pub. But hey, am I a child now? Why can't I have your real business card? Doesn’t my mini-skirt look serious enough for you?

But the worst is when someone gives your friend or partner his card and completely ignores you. You are not even a child now. You simply don't exist!

It does make me wonder though, do they still believe that a woman’s place is in the kitchen?

I Like Chinese

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NH2P_pVze6s

Many westerners have this fascination with the Orient. Perhaps one reason is that they know they are worshiped like God here in Asia. It’s not only Chinese, all Asians are ready to please!

If you are an expat in Asia, congrats, you are in the right place. Those short people around you simply adore you. Even if you are living in your home country, you can surround yourself with all the Asian women who want to immigrate to your country. No worries.

But of course the best place to be is Asia. The problem is, when you are treated like God everywhere you go, sooner or later you will believe that you are indeed God. Here you can get away with anything you could never imagine yourself doing back home.

For example, when a 19-year-old Japanese girl comes up to you at the gym and all this poor girl wants is to have free sex with you on a regular basis, how can you say no?

You might even start to fantasize that you now have developed the pulling power you could never dream to have in your home country. You have definitely become God here!

Let's not underestimate the power of believing. Once you believe you are God, you are invincible now. You can do anything you like, such as helping married women at love hotels, partying at dodgy Roppongi clubs, enjoying happy ending massages, having threesome with teenage girls, going to orgies at friends’ penthouse suites, getting a one-night stand every night, etc. It's a paradise you can never leave.

There is no right or wrong anymore. You make the rules. You are entitled to maximize your pleasure in every possible way.

Welcome to Tokyo. We love you!

Love And Marriage

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x2hdol_McCg

Love and marriage, is it true that you can’t have one without the other?

After my divorce 2 years ago, I promised myself that I would treat myself better next time – if there is ever next time, and find someone I love, instead of someone I think I could learn to love.

But what’s love got to do with marriage anyway? Is it really just an illusion if you try to separate them? Well then does it mean that most married couples are living in an illusion? And how about love without any commitment or God forbid, marriage?

I’ve been thinking about marriage as an institution. Most European friends I know keep a safe distance away from marriage. But on this side of the world, Asians and North Americans tend to have a friendlier attitude towards it.

However, whether or not you believe in it, the divorce rate is increasing every year. More and more people remain single - even though they are not 100% happy about it.

I think one solution is to revive the system of arranged marriage, ban disgraceful divorces and extramarital affairs, and welcome back the Age of Innocence. No more emotional baggage. No more trust issues. One marriage for life, for better or for worse. How wonderfully simple!

To ensure a successful marriage, I am going to unite all my scientist friends and together we will try to develop a formula to bring all the lonesome souls together. We will quantify everything and document all the available data to determine the perfect equation based on every possible analysis such as genetic, social, cultural, physical, and psychological studies on each individual.

Once we have a workable hypothesis, we will then need volunteers for our experiment. Of course our good scientists will bravely scarify themselves for science’s sake. After we finalize the formula, we will then give it away for free. Whoever wants to find his soul mate can use it. 

Look, anything is better than the current situation where people are searching in the dark and do it through trial and error. Don’t you agree?

Let us help you!!!

Love Is A Battlefield

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGVZOLV9SPo&ob=av3e

I am an idealist, a dreamer. Very often I wonder if I will ever have enough courage to love again, although everyone I know seems to have the same problem.

Deep down we all want that crazy little thing called love. But how many of us are willing to love - I mean, really love? To give all your heart and soul for the happiness of that special someone?

Unfortunately, nobody is that stupid anymore. It's survival instinct. You protect yourself first.

Many men have said they loved me. I usually asked why. And many times they told me that they loved me because they felt happy when they were with me. Of course it was a good reason. I am not looking for a masochist after all. But it always makes me wonder whether I will find a man who simply tells me that he loves me because he likes to see my smile and he will do everything to make me smile.

I know I am such a hopeless romantic. But I can't help it. It's the way I am. And I know that if I ever find that man, I will do everything to make him smile too. There, that's my definition of love.

But until then, I will just try to focus on loving myself!