How do you decide if you would allow yourself to fall in love again? We all carry such huge emotional baggage. Sometimes I wonder how on earth we all seem to be still functioning in our daily lives. (And look, the more eagerly you try to deny having any emotional baggage, the bigger it is.)
But yes, I would love to love again, despite all the heartbreaks and tears I had. You might think I am either inspiringly brave or exceptionally stupid, but I don’t care. I believe we are all born to learn to love and be loved.
And I will listen to my instinct this time. I will not simply follow my heart and fall in love again only because I so want to.
I will not choose a guy who loves me for my high-heels or my degrees. The men in love with my looks will eventually find a younger model and move on, and the men in love with my degrees will need to work on their self-esteem.
I don’t want to be loved for my personality either, because I am not that nice anyway and besides, it’s become an insult when we describe anyone as “nice.” I don’t need to be loved for my mind either, even if it can seem to be sound sometimes. I need the occasional freedom to be the crazy one in the relationship.
And please don’t love me because of my heart, even though it’s probably still in the right place and have this stubborn tendency to ignore people’s imperfections. I will not take on another charity case again (I shall go to an animal shelter instead when things get desperate.)
I want a man who loves me for my soul, who allows me to fly but also completes me, who makes me feel passion in his embrace and find home in his eyes.
And together we will set each other free, free from all the sorrow, regret, hurt, horror and anger in our past. And we can feel again then, without fear or doubt, like 2 newborns.